Tony took a deep breath; he had a lot to get off his chest. “Okay. Here goes. After the whole shit storm blew over with the Chinese consulate and you came back as head of Field Ops, I thought you were all in. I mean you were in a pretty good place, professionally…and personally. You weren’t a player or anything, but you were putting yourself out there; you and Audrey gave it another go, when that didn’t work, you and Kate tried again. Same outcome. Things didn’t work.”

“But even when you weren’t involved with anyone, you were still…here, you were present! When you and Sabrina started seeing each other? Man, it was like night and day. You were more alive than I’d seen you in a long time, Jack. Hell…and I don’t mean any disrespect – I liked Terri, you know I did – but you weren’t even that way when you were married. I barely recognized you when you got involved with Sabrina. But you know what? That was a good thing. It was like you’d finally come back to life!”

“Look, I don’t know what happened with you two; I don’t wanna know. But since I’m going for broke, I’m just gonna put this out there: there’s obviously still something there. And I think you’re trying your best to ignore it, but the more you do, the more apparent the truth of the matter becomes. Think about it. You and Sabrina break up. And less than two years later, you and Audrey are about to get married??? Not only that, but you plan to relocate back to D.C. and step away from counter-terrorism? Man, you eat, sleep, and breathe this stuff! It’s in your blood. And you’re gonna go and sit behind a desk for the rest of your career???”

Tony made no attempt to mask his incredulity as he laughed.

“You call it ‘moving on’…I call it runn-ing. Nah. Scratch that; ‘running’ implies active participation. It’s like someone flipped a switch and you’re sleepwalking through your life all over again. What the fuck, Jack? What happened, man?”

Tony was unflinching as he met Jack’s gaze.

“Well, don’t hold back, Tony. Why don’t you tell me what you really think,” Jack replied sharply. His intent had been sarcasm but his reply merely came across as angry and defensive. Realizing he needed a moment to regroup, that his irritation was not with Tony but rather with himself, Jack exhaled slowly. “I think the answer’s obvious, don’t you? Hell, you mentioned it enough in your little soliloquy. You want me to say it? Okay. Fine.” His voice softened. “Bri. She happened. Hell…we happened.”

Jack went silent. He wasn’t in the mood the elaborate. How could he explain it to his friend when he still had moments when he found himself grappling with the emotional fallout of things ending with Sabrina?

“So…you’re saying you are doing all this to get away from her??”

“No, I’m not running.” Jack was resolute. “What I am doing…is...moving on, Tony.”

“Really?” Tony’s stare was as disbelieving as his tone. “Have you ‘moved on’ enough to invite her to the wedding?”

“Honestly?” Jack gave a short, hollow laugh. “I haven’t really given it much thought.”

“Uh-huh. You must be talking about the wedding. ’Cause you sure as hell don’t mean Sabrina. Man, you don’t just forget a woman like that.”

His gaze on the monitor over Jack’s shoulder, Tony rose to his feet. A situation appeared to be brewing in Interrogation 3; the sooner he stepped in the better for all involved.

“Hell, Jack, if I still can remember the first time I laid eyes on Sabrina, and I wasn’t even involved with her, I know you sure as hell must have some serious recall going on.” As he rounded his desk, he couldn’t help but smile as he clapped his poor, deluded friend on the shoulder. “See ya.”

As he watched Tony walk away, much as it galled him to do so, Jack had to admit to himself the truth of Tony’s statement. Impending wedding or no, it didn’t take much to make him think of his ex-lover Sabrina; Jack simply made a conscious effort not to. But when he did allow his mind to ‘go there’? Man, it was a nice trip…

His gaze sweeping the room as he prepared to leave CTU, Jack was struck by an unexpected feeling of wistfulness. By choice, he was going home to an empty house. But not for much longer, a tiny voice taunted him, and not on this side of the country, either. That last thought hit him hard. He’d made California his home; but in approximately in a year’s time, or less if Audrey had any power to make it so, that would no longer be the case. Jack honestly did not know which he would miss more, CTU or California. He gave a bitter laugh. What did it say to him—hell, about him—that this place—CTU—even in light of all it had cost him, felt more like home to him lately than anywhere else?

It wasn’t always that way.

He’d known the feeling of ‘home’ even when he did not occupy the actual physical space. He missed that feeling. Hell, he missed the one who stirred it to life. Sabrina. She was clear across the country, on the opposite coast. But there were times, nights like tonight, when he could feel her as powerfully as if she were beside him.

But she wasn’t.

Forcing down the thoughts of times and memories past, Jack grabbed the stack of files off Tony’s desk and tucking them beneath his arm headed out. The past was just that, he reminded himself; he needed to concentrate on the future.

With Audrey.

He loved her; maybe not as strongly as she loved him, but it was love just the same. Besides, it wasn’t all about ‘love’… They could have a good life together.

Not the life he wanted, but a life just the same.